Mid year career discussion time!
It’s time for MYCD where I work. Details of what happens are here .
I decided to extend MYCD and carry out this critical exercise for all my employees as well. Since none of them are web savvy, I take the liberty to post the feedback online .
Employee 1- My maid
I rated my maid as achieved 70% for this half year.
– I felt she has to potential to reach the exceeded bucket by including some minor changes into the way she works.
– I pointed out to her that predictability was one of her weak points and something that she could improve upon. I even suggested to her various tools and tricks that would help her in achieving this goal.
– I told her that she should be more open and receptive to feedback and not respond in unparlimentary language when asked to do something more.
– I pointed out that there was a lot of work to be done and that oppurtunity was practically endless. I also said that we have sufficient budgetary funding for level growth in her pipe.
In the end, I announced a 0% hike. She didnt take to it kindly – As I mentioned above, this is one of the areas for improvement.
Employee 2: My newspaper wala
I rated my newspaper wala as achieved 70% but in the lowest bucket.
– I pointed out to him that the irregularity in his work was appaling and showed clear lack of passion. I gave him a good speech on what an important job he is doing . Delivering news is a big responsibility and not something everyone can do.
– I also told him that his unwillingness to achieve his stretch goal showed he wasnt interested. I recounted how I had given him an oppurtunity to deliver magazines as well to me but he left it at priority 4 and never got it done.
– I gave him multiple evidences of the newspaper not coming on time, not coming neatly bundled , coming wet and told him to apply himself a bit more on his job.
I summarized that he stood the risk of sliding into the bottom 10% of my employees which wouldnt be good for his career. I refrain from publishing his response here.
Employee 3: My watchman
I rated my watchman as underperformed stage 1.
– I pointed out his failure to do his basic duty of opening the gate when I drove up was unpardonable and had gravely affected his review feedback.
– I also pointed that his habit of asking for “mamool” for every festival bordered on bribery. I explained our compensation system to him and how it was essential to follow performance based rewards.
– I told him in no uncertain terms that his habit of being drunk on most nights was going to end his career under my employment. I said I never had problems with a little peg here or there when off duty but drinking on the job is a strict no no and would have to be escalate to HR.
I told him that it would be a good idea for him to find a job elsewhere before I had to let go of him. His response opened my eyes to forms of abuse I have never known.
Thus, I completed MYCD for all my employees. I am sure they love me as a manager and will surely reflect this fact when they give manager feedback!
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Stopping By Woods On A Snowy Evening
Whose loans these are I think I know.
My house is in the city though;
There is no way I can stop here
To watch my balance go to zero
My loan agent must think it queer
For me to take loan after loan
Between my salary and assets
A collapsing BSE and rising inflation.
He gives his head a shake as if
To ask if there is some mistake.
The only other sound’s the pen
Of easy money and instant fame.
The worlds are lovely, dark and deep.
But I have mortgages to pay,
And many EMI’s to go before I sleep,
And many EMI’s to go before I sleep.
“
You buy furniture. You tell yourself, this is the last sofa I will ever need in my life. Buy the sofa, then for a couple years you’re satisfied that no matter what goes wrong, at least you’ve got your sofa issue handled. Then the right set of dishes. Then the perfect bed. The drapes. The rug. Then you’re trapped in your lovely nest, and the things you used to own, now they own you.
”
~Chuck Palahniuk, Fight Club, Chapter 5
That is how I feel nowadays.
Filed under: gyan | 3 Comments
Today’s office talk
10 AM IBN is reporting- “Satyam CEO fraud…”
1 PM meeting: ” Heard the news ? Satyam fraud wowie..”
1:30 PM lunch: “But how did he do it ” ” arrest the auditors” “job market will be flooded”
2:30 PM water cooler: ” Abe toone 4 bug fix kiye hai 400 nahi..satyam ki tarah behave mat kar”
3:00 PM nicotine zone: ” but Ramalinga Raju doesn’t seem the types at all” ” Only thing that could be worse if now we find out Narayana Murthy also did something”
4:00 PM boss: ” Jayaram I am going home, pray that we dont hear news like Satyam again”
4:10 PM boss2: ” Jayaram I am going home, take care of the work and pray that we dont hear news like Satyam again”
5:00 PM snacks & TV: “Satyam satyam satyam satyam satyam”
5:10 PM on the way back in the lift: “Satyam satyam satyam satyam satyam”
5:30 PM random colleague: “abe satyam ke bare me suna?”
7:00 PM badminton-Satyam employee:” man this was so unexpected..are you hiring? ”
10:00 PM dinner: ” satyam satyam satyam…”
Will tomorrow be any different?
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New year resolutions
In no particular order/priority
1- Visit atleast two countries a year.
2- Play badminton as regularly as possible
3- Expand social network to include atleat 10 non IT folks
4- Keep social drinking to only social drinking.
5- Donate 5% to charity
6- Do not remain a stag.
7- Make home a better bachelor pad
8- Ensure I do not contribute in tech conversations outside of work.
<b> Specifically stay shut during any Microsoft Vs * debates or when someone says MSFT sucks</b>
9- Blog more regularly
10- Reach office at 8 everday.
10 seems a good enough number to target.
Filed under: Random | 9 Comments
PJ Hiatus
– What do you call a guy who has sex in a moving train?
Ans- Metro sexual
– After their break up, girlfriend returns the book of GK to the boyfriend. Why?
Ans- Jab dil hi toot gaya, to GK kya karenge?
PS: The second one is a contribution from our teams friendly HR who wishes to be anonymous.
Filed under: stupidity | 4 Comments
Tags: PJ
The new penis size question
It used to be mine is longer than yours..nowadays it has morphed into
“But what’s your CTC ?”
Filed under: Work | 1 Comment
Tags: 18+, SFW
Yet another PJ post
Been sort of busy with work and all- But the break from the PJ’s helped as now I can come back with a new collection.
Since its Euro time- Let’s start with a warm up joke for all footie lovers
Q-Why did the Austrian customs police arrest the Romanian right back just because he was wearing a band?
Ans- Because he was “Contra Band”
For those who don’t get this- Read this
Followed by a slightly better one with no relation to football.
Q-What is the name of the animal that cannot count?
Ans- “Na gin”
And this one that I saw on TV to top it off 🙂
Q- What is the Chinese population control program called?
Ans- “Cheeni Kam”
Filed under: stupidity | 9 Comments
Tags: PJ
Hey! You dont count!
It’s the time of the year when new kids from college start joining their first companies. It’s a nice time for us old hands to watch the enthu of the greenhorns. Over the past 3 years, I have seen supreme enthu levels from quite a few faschas.
Usually- after around 6 months- these kids start settling down. They understand a little bit of how things work and for some reason begin to believe they are really important. Over multiple sessions I have heard comments like
“You know if I leave today, the whole work will come to a stop. I am the only guy who knows area X”
“My manager is completely dependent on me, without me there is no way this product will ship”
” My VP personally told me I am critical to the company”
” My leaving might affect the stock price of my company”
Let me share this secret with those of you who are entering our world.
You don’t count!
Do not believe that you really decide the fate of the company and thereby the world! Yes even if your VP told you that personally you dodo.
Like Gandhi’s mantra- always keep asking yourself this
“If I die in a gruesome accident today- Will my company declare bankruptcy ? Will my lead not be able to feed his kids as a result of that? ”
Surprise! The answer to both is NO!
The company survived without you, and it will continue after you. And after your kids too.
So, with that out of the way- Come in- Have fun , enjoy the party, learn. And don’t ever tell me how important you are to your company. Ok?
– Just spoke to a hyper enthu intern who said some of the above comments. Frustration rebounds.
Filed under: gyan | 14 Comments
More PJ’s !
IPL over, time available on hand. What does one do except come up with or collect PJ’s ? Here are the latest ones for your frustrating pleasure
Q- 4 MBA students head out every evening. They find some random innocent guy and thrash him up black and blue. Then one of them takes out a bell from his pocket and rings it once. After that all the students run away.
What were they doing?
Ans: They were “mar” “ke” “ting”.
Q- There was this guy who had this unique ability. Every women he met, he could make her go to bed with him in no time at all. How was he able to do this?
Ans: He was a layman
Yet again, best of luck
Filed under: stupidity | 11 Comments
Tags: PJ
PJ Time!
Frustrated after watching Mumbai loose. Attempting to transfer the frustration to others.
1- Why is the free source movement very slow?
Ans- Because it is headed by Stall Man.
2- Why are there no kids on Mars?
Ans- Because, men are from Mars but women are from Venus
3- Why is NASA gay?
Ans- Because- It knows men are from Mars but still wants to explore only Mars.
4- Why was the Arian (sun sign) man very slow?
Ans- Because he was low on Ram
5- What do you call a soldiers wife climbing the stairs ?
Ans- Chadhti Jawan-i
Best of luck 🙂
Filed under: PJ | 13 Comments
Intellectual Depravity 